Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
