Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
