so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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