Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
