Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I currently don't understand fingers.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
