This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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