I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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