You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
