shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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