So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
