note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
