better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
