Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You work out of a Hotel?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
