My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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