Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
