it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
