she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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