i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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