Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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