There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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