he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
