I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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