Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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