Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
