Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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