Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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