i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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