Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
