I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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