Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
