ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize