youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She announced her abortion via fbk
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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