im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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