I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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