Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
A+ Viking dick
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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