He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
