Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
