where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize