theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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