Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Of course I have a pirate flag
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
