She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize