I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
