I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
