Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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