but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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