I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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