I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
