I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
