some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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