I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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