How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize