i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize