Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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