why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
