Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
