He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
