Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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