You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
