Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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