guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
