I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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