The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
this just has baby written all over it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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