And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
