Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
