3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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