On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
