Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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