i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
