dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My vagina is officially offended.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
