he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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