Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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