Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
