I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
