I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
