there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
