so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
