My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
