you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
