I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
